welcome home

i knew not beforehand what i should do
i merely felt a prompting
a prompting that told me i should call my bishop
to request an interview
with him
and a member of the stake presidency

... for my temple recommend!!!

i had no idea what day they met, what times they hold interviews, they could already be fully scheduled, i worried what might happen if i, my bishop or my stake president felt during our interview that i still wasn't ready... after feeling all this fear and doubt, i said a prayer, and then simply chose to act with faith on my prompting.

i called my bishop early in the morning and expressed to him my desire for a temple recommend interview. he said he'd have to check with the brethren of the stake if they had any time that evening or if i'd need to wait until sunday to set up an appointment. he said he'd call me back once he found out more. i thanked him for his love and efforts on my behalf and that i would be awaiting his call.

the call came about 5:00pm. i was in the shower. when i got out i almost didn't notice the little red number on my phone app indicating someone had called me. but after a second glance it stood out like no app notification has ever stood out before!

i touched the screen over the phone app.
there was one missed call. it was from my bishop.
and he had left a voicemail.
in it he said: hey p. its bishop, hope your day's gone well, wondering what your schedule might look like if we meet tonight at 6:30. gimme a call back and let me know if that works for you.
i called him back
we talked briefly.
he said he would be able to meet with me at 7:00 and told me that president b. was also available tonight to meet with me at 7:45. the timing was almost too perfect that i started to question it for a second. could this really be happening? could i really be getting my temple recommend tonight? this has been something i've waited years for, something that's always seemed so out of reach, something i've worked so diligently to obtain... but am i really ready hold one?
i prayed.
the spirit came over me. 
it was time.

i cried when my bishop asked me if i was living the law of chastity. this was the first time that i've ever known and felt that i was without any questioning or justifications or rationalizations or any sense of doubt in my mind. i dried my eyes, collected myself and smiled as i looked back at my bishop and told him: yes, yes i am. there was a simple confidence and a powerful reassurance from the spirit when it bore testimony to my spirit and to my bishop that God had accepted my sacrifice, that he loves me, that he trusts me, that i have been forgiven, and that i was clean and worthy to enter the temple.

i'm getting emotional again just remembering that moment.

we finished the interview.
he told me how much he loves me and how proud he was of me for all my effort and progress and wanted me to know how much the Lord loved for me and that He trusts me and He recognizes my efforts and dilegence in a way far greater than what my bishop could express.
we hugged. 
i cried a little more in that embrace. 
i then took my little piece of paper that felt so light and fragile in my hands that it seemed if i held it too tightly it would disintegrate into the air. i hurried out the door, got into my vehicle and drove to where the stake president was having his meetings.

president b. was aware of my situation through his correspondence with my bishop. he congratulated me on my new stake calling and expressed his love and respect for all that i've done to prepare myself to return to entering the house of the lord. he told me the lord wants me to know that i have so much to offer to touch and be an influence in the lives of those whom i associate with. we went through the interview. a little more crying. a lot more confirmations from the spirit testifying to me that i'm worthy. i no longer feel weighed down by the fear and doubt and guilt that come from sin. im worthy. I AM WORTHY! (had to repeat it, it feels so good to say)

this was the big plan i alluded to in my post: celebration. i knew there were variables i had no control over but because i had no control over them i knew that i couldn't allow any fear doubt worry or anxiety over those things to hold me back. they were simply outside of my circle of influence and theres nothing i could do to change than. all i could do was to act in faith over the few and small things that were within my power to act upon and rely on God to take care of the rest. and He did. He strengthened me and supported me as i acted on my righteous desires. He cleared the path. He prepared the way. it was only by Him and through Him that this was at all possible. i know He has a plan for me.

president b.'s last words to me as we parted were "welcome home."
i couldn't think of a more perfect phrase.
i know it was the Savior speaking through him in that moment.
i can't wait to celebrate my homecoming!