there seems to be this common terminology in recovery of being on a path, or any other myriad of metaphors referring to some need to travel; a trail, uphill, slope, climb, journey, trek and the most common being the road to recovery. i immediately was able to relate to this as it helped to give me a perspective of that it was going to be something that could only be accomplished by no small feat of endurance and commitment. It helped me see that recovery was more than just following a few 'steps' and ive made it.
but there was just something about the word "to" in the road to recovery that kept bugging me...
'to' made it seem like it was some magical kingdom over the hill and through the woods in a galaxy far far away where i would finally find this fabled land called recovery and once there i could rest and relax from my worries for in that land i would finally be cured of my addiction.
erroneous on all accounts.
recovery isnt some final destination you reach at the end of your journey. thats heaven. recovery is the journey.
its the road of recovery, that we travel. for as you travel on this road, you are in recovery. each step, each effort, each commitment, everything you do to overcome this addiction, is one more step youre taking on the road of recovery.
the reason why this idea of being on the road of recovery had such an impact on me, is that it helped me realize that not only can i be in recovery right now, but that i can always be in recovery.
when i hear people mention years of sobriety and whatnot, and if i let myself think of recovery as some final destination, it feels a lot like i can't relate to that because theyre in that galaxy far far away... but as i walk the road of recovery, i don't have to worry about the years, or even the months, or even the weeks, or even the days of sobriety. Those will come on their own. i also realized that those with years of sobriety are still walking this same road right there with me.
being on the road of recovery allows me to focus on the now. I can be in recovery this very moment. and in this moment im in control and i can prepare myself so that my next step is still on the road of recovery. and thats all i need to worry about, is my next step, and preparing myself so that its still on the road of recovery.
i think of the old financial advice "watch your pennies, and your dollars will take care of themselves". as i focus on being in recovery this minute, this hour, my days and eventually months and years will all take care of themselves.
keep hiking along this road of recovery and you can be in recovery always.
29 April 2013
23 April 2013
INTRODUCTION
hi.
my name is p. and im a grateful son of God recovering from an addiction to lust and pornography and masturbation and this is my blog.
ive never had a blog before so this is all kind of new and exciting. And I must admit that when my girlfriend d. tells me all about these blogs she follows and some new post she just read... ive zoned out on almost all of it because i wasnt really into blogs. well i figured it was time to change all that and the best way i could think of to gain an appreciation for all you bloggers out there is to try and blog myself.
ive had this addiction for about as long as i can remember. probably close to 20 years now. ive done a lot on my own to try to overcome it. ive met with almost every bishop ive ever had. ive met with a therapist. went to a few sexual addiction group sessions. nothing has worked.
im in a committed relationship to an amazing girl named d. all my subconscious attempts to push her away to protect her from my addiction have been in vain. shes still with me. a year later. and is one of the most important catalysts supports and motivators of my recovery. she was the one who found out and introduced me to the LDS 12 step recovery program. a version of the AA 12 steps program modified by the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints.
i started going in january and for the first time in my life i have a sense of hope that there is a way, that there are things i can do, to remove this addiction from me and to reach my potential.
Now i am not a very spiritual person nor am i a trained survivalist (i really shouldnt say im not spiritual though... because i am a very spiritual person, im just suffering through a very spiritually debilitating illness that makes me feel like i am not very spiritual), but what i love about survivalists is that they have trained and practiced and developed the discipline and the skills to be able to survive in just about any situation in just about any climate or location.
i know that i alone am powerless to overcome this addiction.
i also know that i cannot idly wait in my sin fone one day to wake up and magically no longer be addicted.
i hope that through my experiences struggles successes and sharing i can recover from this addiction and help someone else along the way.
my name is p. and im a grateful son of God recovering from an addiction to lust and pornography and masturbation and this is my blog.
ive never had a blog before so this is all kind of new and exciting. And I must admit that when my girlfriend d. tells me all about these blogs she follows and some new post she just read... ive zoned out on almost all of it because i wasnt really into blogs. well i figured it was time to change all that and the best way i could think of to gain an appreciation for all you bloggers out there is to try and blog myself.
ive had this addiction for about as long as i can remember. probably close to 20 years now. ive done a lot on my own to try to overcome it. ive met with almost every bishop ive ever had. ive met with a therapist. went to a few sexual addiction group sessions. nothing has worked.
im in a committed relationship to an amazing girl named d. all my subconscious attempts to push her away to protect her from my addiction have been in vain. shes still with me. a year later. and is one of the most important catalysts supports and motivators of my recovery. she was the one who found out and introduced me to the LDS 12 step recovery program. a version of the AA 12 steps program modified by the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints.
i started going in january and for the first time in my life i have a sense of hope that there is a way, that there are things i can do, to remove this addiction from me and to reach my potential.
Now i am not a very spiritual person nor am i a trained survivalist (i really shouldnt say im not spiritual though... because i am a very spiritual person, im just suffering through a very spiritually debilitating illness that makes me feel like i am not very spiritual), but what i love about survivalists is that they have trained and practiced and developed the discipline and the skills to be able to survive in just about any situation in just about any climate or location.
i know that i alone am powerless to overcome this addiction.
i also know that i cannot idly wait in my sin fone one day to wake up and magically no longer be addicted.
i hope that through my experiences struggles successes and sharing i can recover from this addiction and help someone else along the way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)