trending to slip

i heard this phrase at my last ARP group meeting.

ever since then, i've made it a goal to try to look outside of myself throughout the day to recognize what am i trending towards: are my actions trending me towards another two weeks of sobriety, or am i allowing satan to slowly trick me into a false sense of security as he brings down my defenses and tempts me to give in...

right now im trending to slip

• going back to sleep after waking up (i usually wake up around 6:00am)
• postponing my morning studies for any, even righteous excuses (this week i've had family in town and have spent all my time with them but i shouldn't allow that to keep me from my commitment to my doing my morning dailies)
• telling myself that writing on my blog was good enough to replace writing in my recovery journal
• not putting away my laundry right after its done
• being undisciplined in my nutrition: eating out, missing meals, desserts.
• not immediately replacing my garments after swimming or exercising
• not making my bed every morning
• being on my computer while on my bed (even if it is just to write this blog post)
• checking social media to distract me from feelings of missing and loneliness
• separating myself from others
• feeling alone
• missing d.
• wishing i had someone i could connect with on a physical and emotional and spiritual level

yesterday was like the strongest of satan's advances to make me relapse but it was only that strong because i've allowed him to steadily weaken my defenses through my feelings and my choices which on their own aren't significant enough to cause me to relapse, but when put all together are setting me up to fall.

if you've recognized you're trending to a slip is it possible to UN-trend to slip?! YES!

but it is extremely difficult. it takes twice if not more effort than what you were doing to maintain sobriety before. i look to the war chapters in the book of mormon on how to achieve this.

most of those bullet points, or rather the opposite of those bullet points, represent the boundaries or "cities" that i've built up over time as places of strength and protection. satan's attacks aided by my addiction have overtaken those cities and they are now being used against me as footholds in this war to further his intent of destroying my sobriety.

fighting back to retake those cities is the most difficult part. we can recognize satans attacks and we feel a great success when we're able to resist slipping back into the addictive behavior, but it is not a time to celebrate. it is a time to go back to work and redouble our efforts into fortifying those areas that took damage, to build up those places where we feel vulnerable and to recommit ourselves to go back out and regaining those "cities" that were once places of strength that satan has taken.

the only way for us to go beyond ourselves is by the grace of God and the enabling power of the atonement. the only time the nephites were successful in their wars was when they were humble, relied on the lord for their strength, and their motives were just.

we cannot be content with not relapsing!

just like the lamanites fighting the nephites, satan through this addiction is seeking to destroy me. i will fight back! i will defend that which i value above anything else: my life my righteousness and most importantly my (future) family and i know god will sustain me as i go forward with faith and rely on Him.

see Alma 48:11-17 on how to become like unto Moroni