i'll be the first to admit that i hate sleeping. its extremely inefficient and i don't enjoy it. i wish i didn't have to sleep almost as if some wishes come true there are nights where i'm just not able to sleep much;
unfortunately these nights do not lend themselves to much increased productivity... usually happens that either my body won't rest or my mind won't rest and last night was one of those nights where my mind wouldn't rest. there was maybe a period of 3-4 hours where i did fall asleep. however, most of the time i was just laying there while my mind was continuously occupied by random thoughts of things i needed to do, things i wanted to do and unfortunately many thoughts and feelings of regret about my past sins, mistakes, offenses, and shortcomings and how my addiction has been at the root of all of those. a lot of thoughts also seemed to come back to my now-not-so-recent return to the single lifestyle.
after my nap, i got up and got showered, ate and readied my things, got in my truck and started driving to school. as i'm turning in the intersection before before getting on the freeway my vehicle completely shuts off.
no power steering
no power brakes
no power period
and it won't turn back on. so i'm just there coasting, cranking the wheel and stomping on the breaks as hard as i can in the middle of the intersection doing everything i can to avoid running into oncoming traffic...
oh (un)happy day!
- less than 4 hours of sleep
- lingering feelings for d. (and why i still feel like theres some connection i don't know...)
- unable to attend my classes (which included my favorite stress relief: my volleyball class)
- sat in a broken down truck in a parking lot all day
- my bank account is now $200 lighter
- feelings of frustration and stressed out and situations were out of my control. hungry and helpless and hot.
- being bashed bombarded and buffeted every moment with the temptation that i could easily escape from it all
OVERIT!
as i look up at the time in the top corner of my laptop i realize in less than an hour i'm supposed to be en route to a special PASG recovery meeting.
and it all makes sense. its an eternal principle that there must be opposition in all things and satan would love to sift me as chaff before the wind to frustrate my progress and my participation in this work.
i guess i should be surprised that more bad things didn't befall me today... but there is still a lot of day left haha
"don't give up what you most want in life for something you want right now" - richard g. scott
"...thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." - d&c 121:7
unfortunately these nights do not lend themselves to much increased productivity... usually happens that either my body won't rest or my mind won't rest and last night was one of those nights where my mind wouldn't rest. there was maybe a period of 3-4 hours where i did fall asleep. however, most of the time i was just laying there while my mind was continuously occupied by random thoughts of things i needed to do, things i wanted to do and unfortunately many thoughts and feelings of regret about my past sins, mistakes, offenses, and shortcomings and how my addiction has been at the root of all of those. a lot of thoughts also seemed to come back to my now-not-so-recent return to the single lifestyle.
after my nap, i got up and got showered, ate and readied my things, got in my truck and started driving to school. as i'm turning in the intersection before before getting on the freeway my vehicle completely shuts off.
no power steering
no power brakes
no power period
and it won't turn back on. so i'm just there coasting, cranking the wheel and stomping on the breaks as hard as i can in the middle of the intersection doing everything i can to avoid running into oncoming traffic...
oh (un)happy day!
- less than 4 hours of sleep
- lingering feelings for d. (and why i still feel like theres some connection i don't know...)
- unable to attend my classes (which included my favorite stress relief: my volleyball class)
- sat in a broken down truck in a parking lot all day
- my bank account is now $200 lighter
- feelings of frustration and stressed out and situations were out of my control. hungry and helpless and hot.
- being bashed bombarded and buffeted every moment with the temptation that i could easily escape from it all
OVERIT!
as i look up at the time in the top corner of my laptop i realize in less than an hour i'm supposed to be en route to a special PASG recovery meeting.
and it all makes sense. its an eternal principle that there must be opposition in all things and satan would love to sift me as chaff before the wind to frustrate my progress and my participation in this work.
i guess i should be surprised that more bad things didn't befall me today... but there is still a lot of day left haha
"don't give up what you most want in life for something you want right now" - richard g. scott
"...thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." - d&c 121:7
I love those quotes! Life has the potential for happiness and sorrow. We need to choose the happiness.
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